Testimony to God/Love letter to God and myself.

 

Dear God, dear me,

I have come a long way in this blessed life. I have been lost before when I was a teenage girl, close to the 3rd year of poly, when I strayed away from You and have forgotten about You. Proudness and vanity were two of the most bad reasons as to why I lost myself totally. I had a false relationship, online, with a guy. He hurt me very badly and he went to flirt with other girls online.

I couldn't stand it, so I tried all kinds of ways to make myself look prettier and wanting to gain the whole world's attention. Cynical and vain, right?

'What is it to gain the whole world's attention, but to forfeit your own soul?'

When I met God personally for the first real time, He told me that.

He told me that I am weak, at the altar of HCL when I gave my life to God. Through the Leader Aunt Josephine. "You are weak", God says to me, "But you will touch many lives." I told God, "Without You, God, I cannot touch lives, but with You, then I can touch lives together with You, God."

This was an encouragement for me to move on.

In my past misery, I hated myself for not being good enough, even to the point of devastation. I even wanted to end myself. I lost my strength to live. But God never did, give up on me. 

After I confessed myself being a sinner to God, I started to deny myself and take up the cross daily to follow Jesus. He is the Only Way to go. The Only Way. No other way. He saved me from my misery that I've been through. Only He can save, me. I want to be who God wants me to be. And so, I started taking action to surrender to His Will. I know that He for sure can find me, in a new creation, I know and have the faith that He will heal all my scars.

Never felt so indebted to You, God.

I started giving my all to Him. Never my own, anymore.

Thank you Jayesslee for singing the covers 'Hero' by Maria Carey and 'You are my strength' by Hillsong. I was very touched and I cried and I finally found my worth and value from God. Thank you for these two lovely twins for their singing and their angelic voices.:)

However, when I reaslised my true self in Christ Jesus, I was afraid of myself going back or cynical again. People fail, you fail yourself too. 

Deny yourself and take up the cross. Very apt to me.

Words are not enough for me to describe what I have gone through in the past or have been going on in the present as well. But I know, that I have a God that knows best. 

Now, I am a new creation by God! I am fearfully and wonderfully made by Him.

'Let the One who created you, be the One who defines you.'😊☺️

My real identity is in God alone. Not my past anymore. Not my outward appearance, my job, my capabilities, not even doubts and insecurities which cannot define me. 

Ever since I am born again as a new creation, God found me. He found me having the strength to admit that I am weak, and I need Him all the time.

I also found a person who can relate so well with me, with much deep love and understanding for me, despite my insecurities and weaknesses.

God and Jesus, thank You for this Life that You have given me. I am forever indebted to You. In all that I am and I have, I belong to You forever more.

Whoever is reading this, this is a heartfelt or love letter testimony towards God and me.

I hope I can share the hope and strength to find your meaning and purpose in your walk with God who is ever unfailing, and not letting anything else affect Your relationship and your real identity in God alone.

Thank you for reading, whoever stumbles onto this post.

God loves even the worst parts of you, and He can turn and transform you forever in His Beauty that you will have, ever.